Erotic Brain: The 4 Modes in Sexual Initiation

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What are the Four Erotic Brain Modes?

We all use each one of these erotic modes to some degree, but most of us have one or two that are dominant.

 

 

  1. Sensation: Those who use Sensation mode ignite their erotic brain with the physical, sensual elements of the body. The most raw and primal of the modes, it is physical proximity, with the exploration of sensual touch and smell.
  2. Sentiment (Emotional):
    Sentiment enthusiasts use emotion to feel erotic. It is what is happening between two people that matters — through acts such as eye-gazing, gentle kisses and expressions of love and devotion.
  3. Seductive-Exotic (Sexotic):Those whose erotic brain lights up with Sexotic mode, they ‘think’ sex. The idea and thoughts of sex are what are so intriguing. Concepts such as novelty, taboo and challenge in seduction. Role playing your favorite act or talking dirty and telling your lover exactly what you would like to do to them.
  4. Surrender:
    Surrender mode enthusiasts also use ‘thought’ to ignite their erotic brain. Giving up of power, not thinking, and being passive to a lover who is actively taking charge and leading the way.

 

Find out more:

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Sexual Pressure is NOT an Aphrodisiac

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Being pressured for sex is no cake-walk!

The difficulties of being the person doing the rejecting, the Rejector, often go unrepresented. After all, the Rejector seems to have all the power. But the experience for them can be equally, or even more, uncomfortable. The Rejector tends to feel guilt, shame, obligation and even anger. “I can feel so conflicted,” reported Chandra when asked what it was like to be asked for sex all of the time. “I feel so much love for Ray, but sometimes I just don’t feel sexual.” Chandra said she didn’t know how to handle these moments. Rejectors most often describe feeling frustrated at themselves for not being horny at the drop of a hat, or even angry at their partner for assuming that they should be. But the most common and destructive feeling a Rejector reports is … pressure. Pressure is the enemy of sexual desire. And it is toxic to any sex life. Sexual pressure is NOT an aphrodisiac for most people. Sexual pressure can come in overt ways, such as asking, begging or badgering. Or more subtle forms, such as hurt feelings, poutiness or withdrawal.

Why can sexual pressure feel so toxic? Sexual desire requires a certain autonomy. In other words, sexual feelings need to come from inside ourselves, in a relaxed and non-pressured environment. Sexual arousal needs choice, agency and creativity to work properly. And when people are repeatedly pressured, they can feel disrespected, overwhelmed and inadequate.

Over time the body learns to connect sexual advances with these negative emotions and shuts down any sexual feelings even before they get started.

For some Initiators, however, sexual pressure can feel like part of the “game of seduction.” A select group of people like the challenge and will increase the pressure with the good intentions of “playing the seduction game.”  A small group of Rejectors will also feel aroused by this game and enjoy being coaxed into sex. The trick is understanding whether pressure feels like positive pressure, and therefore, a game, or whether it just feels like an unwanted pressure to be avoided at all costs. Sexual communication is key!

 

 

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