Top Orgasm Strategies

Women are still having far fewer orgasms in heterosexual sex than men. We wanted to find out what strategies women (and men) use to reach orgasm. This is what we found.

Results reflect prior research where men reported being always orgasmic with a partner 64% of the time, compared with 25% for women.

So, what is the most endorsed effective orgasm strategy?

Top 5 endorsed effective orgasm strategies:

Women:

Not surprisingly, the most effective strategy women reported was clitoral stimulation. The next four items for women all fell into the sensation, inner focus. Mindfulness tactics.

1	Stimulating my clitoris or penis head (oral sex, hand or sex toy)
2	Focusing on the pleasure I am feeling
3	Holding tighter, pulling closer or pushing into my lover
4	Focusing on my physical sensations
5	“Letting go”into the experience

Men:

While men also endorsed some of these items, the men were less focused on their own pleasure, and instead used strategies of witnessing a partner’s pleasure. They endorsed strategies that focused on intimacy above all others.

1	Watching my lover’s excitement, pleasure or orgasm
2	Hearing my lover moan, scream or vocalizing their pleasure
3	Going harder, faster, deeper or increasing intensity
4	Holding tighter, pulling closer or pushing into my lover
5	Looking at or thinking about my lover’s body (or part)

This difference between men and women creates a nice synchrony. The woman focusing in on her own pleasure while the man is turned on by her pleasure. But this only works if women are having authentic pleasure and orgasms.

Interestingly, men did not endorse touching the penis more in these top 5, likely because the penis is already being stimulated with penis-vagina intercourse. In other words, they don’t need any more stimulation because their main sexual organ is being stimulated already. Whereas, for women, it is not and may account for the difference in orgasm rates between men and women.

We are more individual, than we are our gender

While it is helpful to know what works for many women, the research found something even more important — each individual is very different from one another. Relying on these top items would be misleading, because there was so much variety between women. There were 62 strategies, and every woman was highly individual in her own patterns.

The most important advice for women (and men) trying to have orgasms, and the men who want to watch them do so, is to — take your time and discover your own, individual pattern. Sharing that journey with your partner can be one of the most intimate, pleasurable things you can do together.

For men: Do NOT assume you know better than your female lover. Let her let you in on her individual body. Study your lover, encourage her to take as long as she needs. Find her individual pattern. This is likely to change over time as she develops and experiences.  Let it change and grow. This will benefit both of you!